In search for more information concerning dating my wife, I managed to find a particular internet community called reddit.com – or more exactly a sub Reddit called r/relationships.
Remember that scene in Star Wars episode IV: A New Hope? Where Obi-Wan Kenobi says “Moss Isley Spaceport. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious. ” Yeah. That’s r/relationships.
Don’t get me wrong – it’s not reddit that’s the problem. It’s definitely not the people that are moderating that sub. They all seem pretty cool and levelheaded. And for the most part it’s not the people that are commenting on the posts (with the exception of the occasional troll, or person with an axe to grind). And in a way, it’s not even the people who post the questions. It’s the situations they find themselves in and how they react to them.
Let me give you some examples that have occurred over the last couple of days. Remember, these are just the subject lines:
- My (40F) wife (42F) has fallen in love with a woman (37F) she met last weekend (and wants to have sex with her). Advice needed.
- Do I tell my friend that her otherwise near perfect husband has a teenage daughter from a previous (possibly still legally binding) marriage that he walked away from?
- [Update one year later] My GF (20 4F) of over a year has unsettling attachments to her ex lovers and lies about interactions with them. (29 AM)
- [Update] me (25M) with my GF (25F) of more than half a year, she’s finalizing her divorce and the mediator asked her out for drinks/dinner last night.
- My (32M ) girlfriend (27F) of three years has cheated on me twice that I know of. I just caught her again, but she doesn’t know I know. I need advice as to what to do with this information.
- [Advice] my (23F) boyfriend (24M) said that racy texts to coworker (33F) were staged and just a “test” to see if I still cared about him?
You see what I mean? It’s enough to make a stone cry. If you think the subject lines are bad, you should try reading the posts. On second thought, maybe you shouldn’t. Unless you feel that you’re just too damn happy with your life and you need to be taken down a notch. If you’re really, really in the mood to be depressed, try reading r/deadbedrooms. That ought to do it.
After a little bit of thought, I have come to the conclusion it’s not the people who are actively trying to hurt their spouse/significant other/friend, it’s the ones who simply don’t care. The fact that their words and deeds are affecting other living, breathing, feeling human beings simply doesn’t occur to them.
My wife asks me why I continue to read about these terrible things. Well, that’s a good question. One reason is that intermixed throughout these terrible stories are some awesome stories of people doing the right thing in the right way at the right time. Being loving, fully actuated human beings. The other reason is occasionally there are posts about people who want to date their wives, and asking for advice. I learn a lot from these posts.
Granted, the signal-to-noise ratio is approaching 100 to 1. So I guess that’s not the only reason I continue to read.
You ever watch the X-Files TV show? I know, two science-fiction references in one post. I’m really working to get my geek accreditation, but bear with me. The main character, Mulder, had a poster in his office with a picture of a UFO on it. Underneath the UFO was printed the phrase “I just want to believe”.
That’s my real reason for reading these posts. You see, I just want to believe that all these terrible stories are not a true reflection of our society. That a more accurate representation would have a majority of awesome stories – of husbands who love their wives, respect their wives, and want to stay married with them forever. I want my cynical self to be proven wrong.
I just want to believe.